Well, this is a long time coming. I’d forgotten how to login here, not that that’s any kind of excuse for never coming back.

Nothing exciting happened to me I’m afraid. I simply had a huge slump of motivation and inspiration. I stopped checking emails as they made me feel guilty for not posting or giving you wonderful lot any blog love and I barely looked at my camera in well over a year which also made me feel horrible as I would be reminded of the money we could ill-afford invested in all that kit, sitting there gathering dust and becoming obsolete.

In a nutshell, the longer I didn’t post, the harder it was to come back - until it felt impossible.

I’m still uninspired by my camera and the guilt still looms. I had a baby daughter a few months ago, and have taken less than 20 photos of her. What’s up with that?

Anyway, I figured that if I didn’t do this post now, I’d never do it. I may be back someday, gosh - I really hope that passion returns but either way, I really wanted to let my former readers know that you hold a special place in my heart and I think of you and the lovely encouraging comments you gave me both fondly and often. I hope you’re happy and that life and your art is treating you well.

So, for old times sake, what would this post be without a picture?

Here’s my daughter, Leila - she thinks you’re the dog’s bollocks too.

Well, my 101 in 1001 is up if you fancy taking a peek? Top right of the page, next to ‘who am i?’

Took me a while, it got to the point where I realised that I needed to stop procrastinating and just publish it, or I’d end up with less than 2 weeks to actually complete it.

I’m planning on updating the page as and when I ‘do’ stuff, so keep your eye on it!

I tried to strike an elegant balance between delusion and wimpy-ness, between unabashed self-indulgence and tough personal challenge.

Considering that some days I can barely be bothered to change out of my pyjamas, let alone leave the house… I think some of my goals are fairly ambitious.

Especially that Christmas Shopping in London one eh? - phew… that’s gonna be a toughie. Oh, and don’t even mention the popping popcorn one to me, I break out in a hot flush every time I think of it *snicker*

Anyone else doing one? I’d love to see

Anyone thinking of doing one?

Join me, we can do all the nice stuff and avoid all the challenges ’til the last minute together!

love from me xxx

8 days, still counting…

Since I’ve given up smoking, I’ve spent more money on other crap than ever I did on smoking cigarettes - I’m sure this quitting lark is supposed to mean that I save money. Instead, I just use it as an excuse to buy everything I see. “I’m not smoking now, I deserve THIS, and this and this….”

Do you get Monsoon in the US? My favourite place to shop… too expensive for me usually, but the January sales have been kind to me and I managed to pick up a super soft angora jumper dress and a lovely olive green top with balloon sleeves and these cute little buttons up the back.

I’ve also developed a slightly frightening addiction to hoarding points on a loyalty card for Boots. One of those where you spend so much and get double points back if you have a coupon that you clipped… or a free lipst… oh. my. god. I’m tragically unhip.

Oh well, I don’t care…. I bet I have more bath bombs than you.

…and I know that I should let go, but I can’t.

6 days… 7 in an hour or so. I’m actually doing alright, especially when I pretend that I’m only doing it to prove a point. I keep telling myself that I can have a smoke once I’ve proved I can do it… god, what a twisted not ‘all together there’ person I am. Works for me though!

The biggest difficulty is finding enough things to distract myself with, I need to be doing stuff ALL the time at the moment to push out the whiney thoughts.

So far, I’ve:

~ scrubbed the bathroom from top to bottom
~ organised all the crap in my bedroom, polished and hoovered
~ washed my curtains and bathroom mats
~ watched tons of TV
~ removed most of my body hair
~ painted my nails over and over (I eventually settled on the natural look)
~ developed a new skin care regime which seems to involve using everything in the bathroom, just stopping short of the loo chemicals
~ spent lots of money in the January sales
~ updated my address book with all my client details
~ bought a pair of wellies ‘cos I’m getting cabin fever with all the rain… If it doesn’t stop… I’m gonna brave it and just hope I float
~ discovered the merits of cheese ’souffle’ toast with lots of paprika
~ weighed myself at least 53 times… ‘cos putting an unfair amount of weight back on is gonna be a deal breaker
~ taken self portraits at arms length, deleted them in disgust…sigh, snap, delete, rinse, repeat…
~ been scowling at all the quit smoking ads on the telly… don’t they know that it just REMINDED me how much I want a cig? Self-serving Bastards.
~ doodled. Lots, my notebook is full and I only got it for Christmas.

Anyway, do I look like a non smoker yet? It might be my imagination but I reckon I’m looking pretty smug here…

To finish up…

Love this video, love this tune…

Paul hates it, she annoys him… so I secretly sing it in the shower AND over-enunciate all my words like she does… all the scenesters are doin’ it dontchano.

I’m also working on my 101 in 1001, to be revealed as soon as I can pare down all the completely unrealistic stuff I couldn’t resist putting on there. (Having Josh Holloway attend my dinner party… time to get real… like I’d ever throw a dinner party - HAH!)

Love from (a happily deluded) me xx

… I’m not doing too bad, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t happily rip your arm off from 10 feet away if you were holding a cigarette.

Came across a photographer called Carl Warner today and I’ve fallen in love with his foodscapes… especially the ’salmon sea’ with the pea green boat - too clever. Check him out and fix me up with some cool linkage of your own if something’s caught your eye recently. I need LOTS of distractions atm!

Love from me xx

I’ve opened my last packet of cigs and told everyone, so there’s no going back. I have to at least attempt to quit.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice and encouragement.

Jen, your positive attitude always inspires me - everyone around me is being really encouraging and supportive rather than saying I’m gonna fail. Literally everyone in my family has smoked at some point in their lives and given up in the last ten years. I was the youngest so the last to start smoking and I’m one of the last to give up (bar my 2 aunties)… so I’ll just have to prove myself wrong instead of other people!

Sherri, thank you so much… I promise to think of your encouragement so that it isn’t wasted when I’m having a mad craving!

Frederique, LOL - in all honesty, that is one of the reasons I want to give up… I’m hoping that this is the year, and that giving up may make it a little easier to accomplish! Congratulations on being a reformed smoker, 7 years - wow… you’re my hero.

Sue, phone that number… prepare for it, make the appointment but with a fairly long lead up (month or so)… my parents saw a hypnotherapist last year after having smoked for 40 years, they haven’t smoked a single cigarette since! They said it was a weird experience and that they think it worked by ‘numbing’ them for a month. They said that every sensation of craving felt slightly dulled and that although it was still hard at times, it just wasn’t quite as ’sharp’ yano? If I don’t manage it this time, hypnotherapy is a route I’m seriously considering! Thank you chick!

In other news (not that there is much) - I saw my niece Mildred over the New Year, I hadn’t seen her for almost a year so it was lovely but really sad how she was growing up so quickly. The weather was horrible while she was here, so any photos I got of her were indoors with flash.

She’s such a good girl, and VERY talkative! We went bowling, made salad, did jigsaw puzzles and went shopping - she’s a real girly girl, and is totally into fairies at the minute (at least it isn’t Bratz). She sings and talks to herself all the time and is just a joy to be around.

After having her face painted by her Dad she became ‘Super Fairy Girl’… we all had to have super powers, so I was ‘Super Camera Girl with her baddie-blinding flash’ (what an excuse to take pics huh?), Paul was ‘Super Tall Man with his super long legs’ (he’s 5ft 8″), My Brother was ‘Super Security Guard with his super security scanner’ (you’re not coming in!) and everyone else got various roles which we had to morph into whenever ‘Super Fairy Girl’ sprinkled us with fairy dust. Too much fun!

Till next time,

Love from me xx

I don’t want to, but I must at least attempt to give up.

I’m terrible at failing, it eats into me… which is why I’ve only attempted once before. I lasted 5 days.

I have 4 packs left, and when they’re gone I shall try again.

Last time I didn’t get narky or even irritable, I just turned into a pathetic shadow of my former self. I took myself to bed at around 8pm every night ‘cos I didn’t know what else to do with myself. The first 3 days were fine, the 4th and 5th were filled with sadness at the thought that I could never have another cigarette.

I wish it was easier. I wish that I truly didn’t want to smoke.

However, I really don’t want to die younger than is absolutely necessary and it would be nice to have some money for a change.

I’m scared that because I’m lacking in conviction, I’m setting myself up for failure. Can you give up something when you don’t really want to?

This time at least, I won’t be surrounded by other smokers which should make a difference.

If any of you are ex-smokers with some advice to share, please do!

Wish me luck.

please look away now if you’re vegetarian…

mmm turkey…

roast tatties cooked in goose fat… how outrageously decadent is that?

slightly charcoaled pigs in blankets… love the crispy bacon though!

ok, it’s safe to open your eyes again now…

blergh.

more bokeh!

…mum contemplating how the hell she’s gonna cut the turkey after all those sherries.

christmas dog being lavished with attention by his adoring fans (he got more presents that I did).

…and finally, a little song that’s been plaguing me for weeks, I love the video almost as much as the song:

Have a fabulously sparkly New Year everyone,

love from me xx

a little christmas compendium.

Merry Christmas to you all!

Here’s wishing you lots of peace, presents, time for reflection and tasty stuff on your plates!

Thanks to each and everyone of you for being so inspirational in 2007, can’t wait to see what eye candy you bring for me to feast on in 2008!

love from me xxx

…I can complain to about the weather. It’s flippin’ disgusting… the kind of rain that soaks you through if you’re in it for more than 3 seconds. Bored of it now.

I managed to snap these a week ago, but that’s it… I’m out of photos now ’til the weather starts behaving.

We’re going to County Durham next week, so I’m looking forward to a change of scenery… although it’s generally colder and wetter up there (do I ever stop complaining about the weather?)

Up in Paul’s part of the world there’s one of my favourites ‘The Angel of The North’ so I’m hoping to grab a few shots, though Ikea takes precedence ‘cos I’m in desperate need of a fix (and curtains).

In other notes, Paul’s working on some new Flash templates (I wish I was über geeky in that technical way), and I have utter faith in him that they’re gonna be delicious. I mean how could you not when you consider this conversation from last night:

me: what’s that you’re watching?
paul: just a you tube thing on anti-gravity.
me: ….cool.

I have no need for a website, none at all… but a girl’s gotta have some perks being married to the designer right?

I also keep entertaining these insane ideas of contacting local businesses to offer to update their website images in exchange for using the images in my portfolio. We have a lavender farm near here which sells gorgeous stuff and I’m looking at their website thinking ‘I can do better than that!’… but then I sleep on it and lose my bottle. Someone give me a kick up the arse please?

Same thing with unsigned bands… I review tracks on a scouting website and have noticed a few bands local to me in dire need of band pics… (why do most band pics look identical… they’re nearly all taken against brick walls, with a uniform expression). But anyway, again - I wimp out.

Anyway, that’s enough random rambling for me… ’till next time xx