I don’t want to, but I must at least attempt to give up.

I’m terrible at failing, it eats into me… which is why I’ve only attempted once before. I lasted 5 days.

I have 4 packs left, and when they’re gone I shall try again.

Last time I didn’t get narky or even irritable, I just turned into a pathetic shadow of my former self. I took myself to bed at around 8pm every night ‘cos I didn’t know what else to do with myself. The first 3 days were fine, the 4th and 5th were filled with sadness at the thought that I could never have another cigarette.

I wish it was easier. I wish that I truly didn’t want to smoke.

However, I really don’t want to die younger than is absolutely necessary and it would be nice to have some money for a change.

I’m scared that because I’m lacking in conviction, I’m setting myself up for failure. Can you give up something when you don’t really want to?

This time at least, I won’t be surrounded by other smokers which should make a difference.

If any of you are ex-smokers with some advice to share, please do!

Wish me luck.