…and I know that I should let go, but I can’t.

6 days… 7 in an hour or so. I’m actually doing alright, especially when I pretend that I’m only doing it to prove a point. I keep telling myself that I can have a smoke once I’ve proved I can do it… god, what a twisted not ‘all together there’ person I am. Works for me though!

The biggest difficulty is finding enough things to distract myself with, I need to be doing stuff ALL the time at the moment to push out the whiney thoughts.

So far, I’ve:

~ scrubbed the bathroom from top to bottom
~ organised all the crap in my bedroom, polished and hoovered
~ washed my curtains and bathroom mats
~ watched tons of TV
~ removed most of my body hair
~ painted my nails over and over (I eventually settled on the natural look)
~ developed a new skin care regime which seems to involve using everything in the bathroom, just stopping short of the loo chemicals
~ spent lots of money in the January sales
~ updated my address book with all my client details
~ bought a pair of wellies ‘cos I’m getting cabin fever with all the rain… If it doesn’t stop… I’m gonna brave it and just hope I float
~ discovered the merits of cheese ’souffle’ toast with lots of paprika
~ weighed myself at least 53 times… ‘cos putting an unfair amount of weight back on is gonna be a deal breaker
~ taken self portraits at arms length, deleted them in disgust…sigh, snap, delete, rinse, repeat…
~ been scowling at all the quit smoking ads on the telly… don’t they know that it just REMINDED me how much I want a cig? Self-serving Bastards.
~ doodled. Lots, my notebook is full and I only got it for Christmas.

Anyway, do I look like a non smoker yet? It might be my imagination but I reckon I’m looking pretty smug here…

To finish up…

Love this video, love this tune…

Paul hates it, she annoys him… so I secretly sing it in the shower AND over-enunciate all my words like she does… all the scenesters are doin’ it dontchano.

I’m also working on my 101 in 1001, to be revealed as soon as I can pare down all the completely unrealistic stuff I couldn’t resist putting on there. (Having Josh Holloway attend my dinner party… time to get real… like I’d ever throw a dinner party - HAH!)

Love from (a happily deluded) me xx