My fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation…
…and I know that I should let go, but I can’t.
6 days… 7 in an hour or so. I’m actually doing alright, especially when I pretend that I’m only doing it to prove a point. I keep telling myself that I can have a smoke once I’ve proved I can do it… god, what a twisted not ‘all together there’ person I am. Works for me though!
The biggest difficulty is finding enough things to distract myself with, I need to be doing stuff ALL the time at the moment to push out the whiney thoughts.
So far, I’ve:
~ scrubbed the bathroom from top to bottom
~ organised all the crap in my bedroom, polished and hoovered
~ washed my curtains and bathroom mats
~ watched tons of TV
~ removed most of my body hair
~ painted my nails over and over (I eventually settled on the natural look)
~ developed a new skin care regime which seems to involve using everything in the bathroom, just stopping short of the loo chemicals
~ spent lots of money in the January sales
~ updated my address book with all my client details
~ bought a pair of wellies ‘cos I’m getting cabin fever with all the rain… If it doesn’t stop… I’m gonna brave it and just hope I float
~ discovered the merits of cheese ’souffle’ toast with lots of paprika
~ weighed myself at least 53 times… ‘cos putting an unfair amount of weight back on is gonna be a deal breaker
~ taken self portraits at arms length, deleted them in disgust…sigh, snap, delete, rinse, repeat…
~ been scowling at all the quit smoking ads on the telly… don’t they know that it just REMINDED me how much I want a cig? Self-serving Bastards.
~ doodled. Lots, my notebook is full and I only got it for Christmas.
Anyway, do I look like a non smoker yet? It might be my imagination but I reckon I’m looking pretty smug here…
To finish up…
Love this video, love this tune…
Paul hates it, she annoys him… so I secretly sing it in the shower AND over-enunciate all my words like she does… all the scenesters are doin’ it dontchano.
I’m also working on my 101 in 1001, to be revealed as soon as I can pare down all the completely unrealistic stuff I couldn’t resist putting on there. (Having Josh Holloway attend my dinner party… time to get real… like I’d ever throw a dinner party - HAH!)
Love from (a happily deluded) me xx
Love the video and song, and I think you look quite lovely for someone who’s breaking a terrible, nasty habit:)
Comment by leigh — January 23, 2008 @ 1:24 am
Awww honey I can’t imagine how hard quitting must be. I am sure you can do it and will come out at the end of it much healthier and happier. xx
Comment by Amanda K — January 23, 2008 @ 1:46 am
You’re so beautiful, Lottie. And, every word you write I could have written when I was quitting. I had actually “quit” a couple (okay, many) times before I got pregnant and HAD to quit. The nic addiction is far easier to kick than the habit, the routine of smoking.
I will tell you this - every day you don’t smoke, your skin will look noticeably better. I know, small reward… but better than the old “you’re so much healthier for not smoking” chestnut.
Oh, and sex. Have lots of it. That really helped me.
Comment by Meghan — January 23, 2008 @ 2:23 am
You are so funny - I love the list. But seriously way to go!!!
Comment by Katie DeBoer — January 23, 2008 @ 3:28 am
Stay strong girl! I’m sure it’s a hard thing not to smoke (I’m so glad I never started in the first place) but you can be really proud of yourself once you’ve broken that terrible habit.
Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier and leaving that lovely comment. I appreciate it alot!
U Rock!
Comment by Sonny — January 23, 2008 @ 7:13 pm
Ah! Love the picture of you! And YES! You totally look like a non-smoker to me. You don’t want to ruin that picture in my head, right?
Comment by Sherri — January 24, 2008 @ 8:26 pm
Wow Lottie you are doing fantastic!!!
You dont look like a smoker at all, you look beautiful!
Go on Lottie - proof your point to them!
I still need to phone this number but I am constandly catching myself doing other stuff ……
Comment by Sue — January 25, 2008 @ 12:35 am
You look absolutely beautiful.
If you want to come to my house, I could keep you very very busy!
Keep up the good work.
Comment by kim — January 25, 2008 @ 1:45 am
you are absolutely beautiful girl! Oh I know you can do it, prove all those nonbelievers that you can do it girl! Thats what I had to do! Make that make you more determined, to prove everyone wrong and that you can do this! You go girl!
Comment by Jennifer — January 25, 2008 @ 10:02 pm